My fabulous publishers, Boldwood Books, have been running a #PetsOfIsolation thing (there’s probably a technical term for this but let’s go with ‘thing’ for the moment) over on Twitter for the last week. Or is it fortnight? Hmm. Time is a fluid concept just now. Anyway, the idea was to encourage their authors to share photos of their pets during lockdown and hopefully have readers do the same, filling Twitter with happy images of animals. Aw, lovely.
We have a 4-year-old sprocker spaniel called Ella so I shared a few pics of her but I decided to put together her guide to isolation here. For anyone not on Twitter (looking at you, Mum), I thought I’d share Ella’s advice on here.
So, here it is, Ella’s Guide to Isolation:
Get out of the house for socially-distanced exercise. Give your human extra exercise by dodging all photo ops and making them chase you for 1 x blurred pic. Fun for all the family
Steal stuff. As much stuff as you can. Steal all the stuff that doesn’t belong to you and use doe eyes to protest your innocence. So much fun winding up the humans and great for relieving boredom
Sleep. Do this lots. Preferably by clambering into your human’s bed when they’re not looking. Mmmm. Sleep is good. Sleep is better when you shed hair all over your human’s duvet
Ella’s Guide to Isolation Part 4 of 5: If your human is eating, stare at them. Maybe cock your head to one side, put paw on their knee & whimper. Focus. Intimidate. They’re weak. They will fold. That food will be yours mwah ha ha
Dream of life beyond isolation. Paws for thought. Think about holidays, trips, parties, hugs. This will one day pass and we can say hello friends. Hello family. Hello life. Hang on in there, stay home, stay safe xxx
Hope you enjoyed Ella’s Guide as a #PetsOfIsolation.
2 thoughts on “The one where my dog gives her guide to isolation”
Hello Ella, Amber here. I love your tips and will certainly take them in board. Here are a few of my own: 1) Make sure you alert your owners to anyone coming within 100 yards of the house, especially if they are talking to their laptop thing. It makes their face go nice and red as they tell their work friends what a helpful and clever doggie you are. 2) Sleep as close to their chair as possible. That way when they get up and knock you (it doesn’t hurt but make sure you give a little yelp), they’ll spend time giving you strokes and fuss to say sorry. 3) Stare and/or paw at the sofa until they climb all over and under it to find the tiny bit of plastic you just remembered you chewed off your toy 3 weeks ago and now realise you can’t live without. Hope these help! Woofs and licks, Amber. 🐾
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Aw, Amber, I love those tips. Thank you so much. Good advice ❤ Ella xx