The one where people need to calm down so I’ve doctored the lyrics to Taylor Swift’s fabulous song

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This week in the UK, life as we know it has changed beyond all recognition. Other countries like Spain and Italy have been in lockdown for some time and, whilst we haven’t quite hit that point, we’re well on our way. Schools closed yesterday, and the Prime Minister announced that pubs/ clubs/ cafes/ restaurants/ leisure centres/ gyms would need to close with immediate effect.

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The past week or so has seen many strangers reaching out with amazing acts of kindness  but we’ve also seen shocking scenes of ignorance and greed while people panic buy. Supermarket shelves have been decimated with pasta, toilet roll, liquid soap and hand sanitiser being like gold dust. In fact, food in general is flying off the shelves and the ridiculous thing is that there isn’t actually a food shortage or even a threat of one. There’s plenty to go around and the problem is simply that people are grabbing so much that the supply chain can’t get enough to the supermarkets to accommodate the shocking £1bn of additional spending that has taken place this week. Wow! The government’s message today massively focused on this. People basically need to calm down, stop stockpiling, and give a chance to those who are elderly, vulnerable, working shifts and so on as well as the sensible ones among us who are just trying to shop normally.

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When I woke up this morning, I had Taylor Swift’s fabulous ‘You Need to Calm Down’ in my head, but with a few tweaked lyrics to fit with the current panic-buying mentality. This afternoon, I had a play about with the full song. If you’re not familiar with Taylor’s song, you can find a You Tube link to it here. I apologise to Taylor for doctoring her brilliant lyrics and hope she can forgive me. And I’m no lyricist so I hope you can forgive me too! I challenge you to sing along and see if you can fit all the words in!

Please calm down, everyone. Just stop! There’s food. There are toiletries. The supermarkets and smaller local stores are not closing down. Many restaurants, cafes and takeaways are still delivering. You don’t need a year’s worth of supplies this week!

By the way, I highly recommend Taylor Swift’s latest album, ‘Lover’. It’s amazing 🙂

Stay safe everyone.

Jessica xx

 

You Need to Calm Down by Taylor Swift, doctored by Jessica Redland

You are somebody in the same boat

But you’re takin’ things from shelves like it’s a joke

And I’m just like, damn, there’s enough to go round

Taking more than three, that’s a bad shout

But to steal from my trolley, that’s a knock-out

And I’m just like, “Hey, have you a brain?”

 

And I ain’t tryna mess with your fear and tension

But I’ve learned a lesson that kindness and compassion are what we need at this time

And greed and hate never saved the world

 

So oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

You need to calm down, you’re being a clown

And I’m just like oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh (oh)

You need to just stop

Like can you just not buy all that stuff?

You need to calm down

 

You are somebody who is obsessed

Stockpiling all this food like you’re possessed

Why are you mad?

It makes us so sad (Makes us so sad)

Loo rolls in your house like a stockade

Pasta piled up high like a blockade

Just takin’ that soap you are being a dope

 

You just need to take several breaths and then try to restore the peace

And control your urges to buy all the food that you won’t eat

‘Cause greed never made anybody complete

 

So oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

You need to calm down, you’re being a clown

And I’m just like oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh (oh)

You need to just stop

Like can you just not buy all that stuff?

You need to calm down

 

And we see you over there on the internet

Booking all the slots to deliver it

But we’re calling you out

We all know now we can all eat

You need to calm down

 

Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

You need to calm down (you need to calm down)

You’re being a clown (you’re being a clown)

And I’m just like oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh (oh)

You need to just stop (can you stop?)

Like can you just not buy all that stuff?

You need to calm down

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Songs that tell a story. What a delight!

I know, I know, you’ve almost forgotten what I look like. I’ve been so incredibly neglectful of my blog recently. So sorry! My excuse is that I started a new day job a couple of months ago and I’m really struggling for writing time. My standard working week is longer by 2.5 hours and I have a longer commute. We’re not talking a huge commute, but what used to be 10 mins each way has become 30 mins each way. I know that’s only 20 extra minutes but It soon adds up over the course of a week. Plus, the job is a much more demanding one. The pace is faster and the need to concentrate is greater so I find I struggle to switch off at the end of the day and switch on to writing.

Anyway, that’s not the reason for this blog post. So what is? Let me tell you …

I’ve spend the weekend painting the hall and stairs (don’t panic, the blog post isn’t about watching paint dry!) which has been hard work. Whilst I’d love to have spent Sunday evening writing, I found myself drawn to social media and flicking the channels on TV. There didn’t seem to be much to choose from and I ended up on the True Drama channel watching “To Hell and Back”, the story of Meat Loaf. I missed the first 45 minutes or so but enjoyed the rest. Great music and an interesting insight into Meat’s life.

It struck me whilst watching this true-life drama that one of the reasons I love Meat Loaf’s music, aside from his powerful and emotional voice, is that his songs (penned by Jim Steinman) tell a story.

I love music, although I’m not an avid follower of the charts like I used to be. My daughter asked me the other day what my favourite song is and I had to give her the answer I always give: I don’t have a favourite because I love loads of songs. It’s true. I love some songs because they remind me of a certain era in my life (first time clubbing, being at university, a holiday with friends and so on). I love others because they have a great beat and make me want to dance. Some are romantic and give me a warm and fuzzy moment and/or make me think of my husband. Others I love because they’re so uplifting that they instantly make me feel happy, no matter how low I might have been feeling. But my very favourite stories are the ones that tell stories, which brings us back to Meat Loaf.

‘Bat out of Hell’ and ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’ are two great stories, the former depicting the story of a rider dying after a motorcycle crash and the latter about a teenage boy trying to convince a girl to have sex with him in his car. She says she will if he tells her he loves her and he finds himself tied to her for life to fulfil that promise after a night of passion. Most of Meat Loaf’s lyrics tell a story in this way but let’s move on from Meat Loaf and give another couple of examples, both of which I’ve head on my local radio station during the past week.

One of these is ‘A Little Time’ by The Beautiful South. A very poignant song, this tells the story of a man who wants a break in his relationship to sleep around and, when he comes back to his girlfriend after he’s had “a little time”, she advises him that she’s also taken advantage of the time out, had a few flings, and doesn’t want him in her life anymore. Hee hee.

The other one is from a similar era: ‘Hazard’ by Richard Marx. This song is about a mother and son who’ve moved to a town in Nebraska where he’s treated with suspicion as an in-comer. It’s just evil looks and non-acceptance until his girlfriend goes missing and is found dead and all eyes turn to him.

The very first story-based song I remember hearing was one from the sixties called ‘Tell Laura I Love Her’ by Ricky Valance. The hero wants to give his girlfriend an engagement ring but can’t afford one. He enters a car race in the hope of winning the money to afford it … but crashes and dies. I remember listening to this on a compilation CD my parents had of 60s hits and sobbing as I listened to the tragic story unfold.

I wonder if it’s being a writer that draws me towards this type of song, because they’re written like short stories rather than a standard song with verses and a chorus. ‘A Little Time’ and ‘Paradise have the classic “twist in the tale” plot and ‘Bat out of Hell’ has a bittersweet ending in which the hero of the story dies (a la Nicholas Sparks!) I think these types of song draw me in like a great novel, carry me along with a clever plot, and leave me feeling satisfied like I do after a 5-star read.

What do you think? Do you like songs that tell a story? Can you think of any others? Please comment and let me know your thoughts. By the way, if you don’t know any of the songs I’ve mentioned, I’ve linked the titles to their videos on You Tube so enjoy!

Jessica xx

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